This weekend I did a march of dimes walk in honor of my friend , Ashley's daughter Mackenzie, who was stillborn last June.
( Ashley with Mackenzie's butterfly !! )While we were there I saw SOOOO many miracle babies that beat the odds of being born early and think it sucks that MY TRIPLETS ALL died !! I mean serioulsy I lost all 3 of my kids !!! SOmetime I wonder how it would feel if at least 1 of them was still here with me. I honestly thought Mady was gonna make it & stay with me after Conner & Makenna died but nope ... She went to heaven also. I feel like sometimes my pregnancy and their births & deaths were all a dream sometimes because I think it makes it easier to live without them thinking that they never left me . I don't know if that makes since but .... I just miss my precious babies and I hate not being able to see them do the things that Buggy is doing !! Aubrey is SUCH a blessing and even though she is turning into the "terrible" part of being 2 I couldn't imagine my life without her !!! I just think it sucks that I had to lose my first 3 babies to be able to have her. I want ALL my kids !!! So at the walk the jealous & sad part of me thought it wasn't far that all those women were there with their miracle babies pushing them in their triplet strollers with cute little shirts numbered 1, 2, & 3 cause i just wanted to scream " LOOK @ ME !! I AM JUST LIKE YOU.... I HAD TRIPLETS ALSO 3 YEARS AGO BUT MY BABIES ALL DIED AND IT'S NOT FAIR YOU HAVE YOURS !!!"
OK enough of my being ugly I just needed to vent & what better place than my own blog !! On a happier note I really enjoyed being @ the walk supporting Ashley in memory of Mackenzie & my girlfriends told me that I should do a walk in honor of MY BABIES so I am going to get those plans rolling cause Conner, Madion & Makenna deserve to know that they were loved by many people & those same people miss them just as much as their Mommy does......
( Me & Bernie Mac , my best friend in the whole world . She is my God sent friend who has been with me through so many diffrent hurdles in my life since I was 10 years old !! I love her more than I could ever express to her !!! ) ~Nichole
