If I only knew .....

5 years so today I was admitted into the hospital in preterm labor with my triplets . I remember it like it was only yesterday. I woke up  around 4: 15 am before Mike left to go to work telling him my stomach was hurting & thinking Mady sure was moving around alot making it hurt . I didn't know that feeling I had been having for the past day was actually contractions . Mike kissed me bye & told me if it continues to get worse to call him & he would take me to the hospital. When he left I called my mom. She always makes me feel better if something is wrong with me & I needed to be comforted. I told her about my stomach hurting & she told me I needed to call my doctor so I did . The doctor told me to come into labor & delivery asap do I called Mike and he came back home to get me. It was about 6: 00 am at this time and I remember thinking what are we going to do with Shelby ? She had school do I called my neighbor to come over & stay with her until it was time for her to leave. I got her up & I remember feeling the contractions very often and having to stop several times while I was fixing her hair because the pain was out of control. I feel so stupid  that I had no clue these poisons I was having were contractions but I had never had a baby before... After I took care of my daughter & told her Daddy was taking me to the hospital I hugged her told her I loved her & off we went. I remember being in the car with  my husband trying to stay calm even though I had never been that scared in my life. I didn't want to show him how scared I was even though I am sure  he felt the same way at that  moment. It was on the drive to the hospital that I decided to see how often the pains were  apart because only then did I realize it might be contractions. They were less then 2 minutes apart .  Now I was really freaking out. When we got to the hospital they told me to change in a gown then did an exam  on me. I was dialited to a 5 & 100% effaced ..... I remember thinking omg how could I not know I was in labor ? I felt like an idiot & was so mad that my body was letting me down & I couldn't keep my babies safe. They admitted me into the hospital that day on complete bed rest . I couldn't get up for no reason... Including to go to the bathroom . So here I was 24 weeks & 5 days pregnant .... It was so scary because I knew the babies were way to early to come out & to make things worse my doctor was on vacation in Paris !
This picture is of mike & me 5 days before I went into the hospital.  I remember being so naive at that time thinking I was going to have triplets & everything is going to be fine. I never even thought I would never cone home with them . I mean there are women who have 6 babies surely I can have 3.... Boy was I wrong... I feel like  such a failure as a mother that I ley them down because I couldn't keep them in longer....