Wednesday, September 14, 2011

If I only knew .....

5 years so today I was admitted into the hospital in preterm labor with my triplets . I remember it like it was only yesterday. I woke up  around 4: 15 am before Mike left to go to work telling him my stomach was hurting & thinking Mady sure was moving around alot making it hurt . I didn't know that feeling I had been having for the past day was actually contractions . Mike kissed me bye & told me if it continues to get worse to call him & he would take me to the hospital. When he left I called my mom. She always makes me feel better if something is wrong with me & I needed to be comforted. I told her about my stomach hurting & she told me I needed to call my doctor so I did . The doctor told me to come into labor & delivery asap do I called Mike and he came back home to get me. It was about 6: 00 am at this time and I remember thinking what are we going to do with Shelby ? She had school do I called my neighbor to come over & stay with her until it was time for her to leave. I got her up & I remember feeling the contractions very often and having to stop several times while I was fixing her hair because the pain was out of control. I feel so stupid  that I had no clue these poisons I was having were contractions but I had never had a baby before... After I took care of my daughter & told her Daddy was taking me to the hospital I hugged her told her I loved her & off we went. I remember being in the car with  my husband trying to stay calm even though I had never been that scared in my life. I didn't want to show him how scared I was even though I am sure  he felt the same way at that  moment. It was on the drive to the hospital that I decided to see how often the pains were  apart because only then did I realize it might be contractions. They were less then 2 minutes apart .  Now I was really freaking out. When we got to the hospital they told me to change in a gown then did an exam  on me. I was dialited to a 5 & 100% effaced ..... I remember thinking omg how could I not know I was in labor ? I felt like an idiot & was so mad that my body was letting me down & I couldn't keep my babies safe. They admitted me into the hospital that day on complete bed rest . I couldn't get up for no reason... Including to go to the bathroom . So here I was 24 weeks & 5 days pregnant .... It was so scary because I knew the babies were way to early to come out & to make things worse my doctor was on vacation in Paris !
This picture is of mike & me 5 days before I went into the hospital.  I remember being so naive at that time thinking I was going to have triplets & everything is going to be fine. I never even thought I would never cone home with them . I mean there are women who have 6 babies surely I can have 3.... Boy was I wrong... I feel like  such a failure as a mother that I ley them down because I couldn't keep them in longer....

1 comment:

  1. My sweet friend! Don't say that about yourself. You are the one alwayys reminding me how everything happens for a reason even though we may not know what that reason is and how GOD is in control! Please remember that and know that! You couldn't have done anything different than what you did! My heart hurts for you more than I can express into words and I love you so very much! I pray for you and am here for you always! :(