Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Happy 4th Birthday Babies !!

Conner, Madison & Logan-Makenna,

Conner with Mommy & Daddy
 I can't believe it has been 4 years since you were born. Honestly it seems like just yesterday that your Daddy & I were in the dr office getting an ultrasound & I will never forget Carmen, who was doing our scan that day, say 1.. 2... 3... and I remember saying what are you counting ? When she replied you have 3 babies I started crying immediatly & your Daddy .. well let's just say he just had to sit down so he didn't pass out .. :) . It was such a HUGE suprise to know that I had the three of you babies in my tummy. I waited soo long to get pregnant & I wanted to have a baby with your Daddy so bad and the 3 of you were such a blessing !! We were both scared & excited at the same time . My pregnancy was doing great and when I was 16 weeks along I went out on maternity leave because you little babies were killing my back so I couldn't work anymore. I didn't really have any complaints about my health when I wasw pregnant until I was 24 weeks and then that's when things went down hill. It seems I was having contractions for a whole week and didn't know it. I honestly thought Ms. Madison was just having a party in my tummy because out of the 3 babies Mady was the most active. Conner was squashed at the bottom & Makenna was WAY up top almost between my ribcage. So on September 14, 2006 @ 6:15am I called my dr & they told me to come in so they could check me. I got your big sister ready for school ( she was 8 years old & in 3rd grade) and then off to the hospital Daddy & I went. On the way to the hospital Daddy & I were talking and then we realized that it was contractions I was having because they were only about 1 minute apart and starting to hurt really bad. When we finally arrived at the hospital I changed into the little gown & they checked me. I was 4cm dialated & 100% effaced .

Madison w/Mommy & Daddy

I had no clue what that meant at the time but soon learned that I was in active labor and they needed to stop it asap because you guys weren't done cooking yet. The nurses gave me all kinds of shots and medicines in my iv & were able to stop my labor for a full week, but we learned September 18th that Makenna had passed away in my tummy. I was devastated but still hopeful because Conner & Mady were ok in there still. I remember having a goal of October 31st praying that you would just stay in my belly until then so you could get stronger but the morning of September 21, 2006 Conner decided it was time to come out first then I had an emergency c-section to get Mady & Makenna out of me. There is so much more I want to tell you but this is really hard actually putting this in words.... I have wanted to write it down but everytime I start to do it I stop because it's so hard. I miss you babies more than you will ever know . I know God chose me to be your Mommy & for that I am very grateful but I am selfish in the fact I wish you were all still here with me & Daddy & Shelby & I know if you guys were here that means Aubrey might not be here and I can't imagine my life without your spunky little sister. I know you sent her to me because she is truly a miracle & has the personality of you girls all had crazy & active & stubborn but I feel like she is like Conner in the fact that she does have her moments sometimes where she is just chillin not acting crazy .... Aubrey truly has helped me in dealing with the loss of you three babies ... She makes me wake up & face life when I just wanted to go hide under a rock & mourn my huge loss... So today on your birthday we are going to visit your grave & release balloons & just pray and thank God for the time we did have you in our lives.

at babies grave to release birthday balloons

I love you always,