Friday, September 21, 2012

Happy 6th heavenly birthday !!!

The tattoo Mike got 8 days after
 the babies passed away honoring them

     It's now been 6 years since I gave birth to my sweet triplets. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. Sometimes it's because I see kids that would be their age or sometimes it because I hear someone call their child with the same name as one of my kids. It's all so bittersweet. I'm so honored to be their mother. I feel like it was such a huge privilege to be pregnant with 3 babies at the same time. That is so amazing even to just think how awesome that is & i actually lived it !!!

     I think about how different our lives would be with the triplets here.I knew when I was 16 weeks pregnant that Makenna probably wasn't going to survive so I think my brain prepared my heart to only be ready to raise Conner & Mady ....

My tattoo I got in honor
of my babies & Aubrey
    Would I still have my precious Aubrey ? I couldn't imagine my life with that amazing little girl. Aubrey was such a blessing to have 14 months after losing my trio. The entire time I was pregnant with Aubrey i remember dreaming & truly feeling like I was going to be raising a boy & a girl . I had multiple ultrasounds when I was pregnant and every time they always said there was only 1 baby. I was so confused why I had such a strong feeling . What I know now is that feeling was God telling me I would be raising a son & a daughter that are the same age. God had a plan for my life and for the lives of my children before he even allowed me to get pregnant with them. He knew I was going to have this amazing opportunity to carry 3 babies in my belly & he also knew that when he took them back to heaven to be with him that it would make me a completely person and now I can help other women who have went through this difficult experience of losing a baby/ babies. I have met (both in person & online) many amazing women who have lost babies. We have some great friendships because unless it has happened to you it's hard to explain how you feel losing a child ..... 

    The other thing God showed me when losing my babies is that I truly would be raising a son & a daughter who are almost (4months apart) the same age. I have Aubrey & Brandon now that I'm raising.  I didn't understand why God gave Misty another child when she didn't even appericate the amazing little girl she already had. I didn't feel like she realized how awesome Shelby was or how much of her life she missed out on by going in & out of jail. Misty got pregnant within weeks of getting out of jail and right after my babies died. I was very angry she was getting another chance to be a mom & I felt like my chance was taken from me and it just wasn't fair. Little did I know at that time we would get pregnant with Aubrey the 1st time we tried fertility treatments again. I was so thankful for that gift because I got another chance to have a baby. While Misty and I were both pregnant she came to Michael and asked if anything ever happened to her would we consider raising Brandon as our own even though he wasn't our biological child. I knew in that moment when she said those words that we would one day raise Brandon as our own . It did take 4 years for us to get him legally but he's been part of our family his whole life.

  So today on my triplets birthday of course I miss them very much but I know God's plan for my family now and I'm exteremly blessed to be the mother of 4 amazing children .......

Shelby, Britanee, me holding Aubrey, & Mike holding Brandon


No comments:

Post a Comment